“Cutting someone completely off from your life is sometimes necessary for your peace. Don’t feel guilty for it”
I saw this quote over the weekend and it totally reaffirmed why I made a drastic life decision about a year and a half ago…
Sometimes when you’re too close to the picture you become blinded by what is really happening. You make excuses for why things are the way they are and you want to keep that picture the same not wanting to move a single thing. But life happens, people change, people move on.
I had a friend, a best friend actually, that I thought would be my best friend forever (cliché, I know). High school graduation came and I moved away for college while she stayed in our hometown. She eventually moved away to live with our two other friends. We kept in touch everyday, always texting/calling each other between classes or work to update each other with our lives. She was the person I went to when I needed to sort things out and rationalize what I was doing with my life.
I don’t remember when this started, but all of the sudden her “motherly advice” started sounding like harsh criticism and belittling comments. Apparently, I never did anything “right”, I should’ve spoken up in this situation, I should’ve said this to this person, I should’ve, I shouldn’t have.. the list goes on. I would hang up the phone or look up from a text message from her 11 times out of 10 either frustrated or pissed off that she would speak to me in such a way.
This went on for almost a year or year and a half. Summer break came around. I saved up enough money to fly down to spend a week with her and our other two friends. Between me and my two other friends, I thought I was the only one who was being treated horribly. Little did I know she was also treating our other two friends the same exact way. That whole week was one of the most emotionally stressful weeks of my life. I was thinking of flying back home early, but I stayed hoping it would get better. It didn’t. I couldn’t believe the person she turned into. She was mean spirited, bitter, demeaning, and completely oblivious to how she was treating her three closest friends. And most importantly, she lied to my face. I cannot stand liars. Especially people who lie for long periods of time.
I realized the person who was once my best friend was now a toxic person who I did not want in my life anymore.
I didn’t text/call her for about a month after I flew back home. I knew she knew something was up considering we talked every single day. I finally got a text from her asking what’s going on and I was finally ready to talk about how I felt. Looking back, I still wish this conversation didn’t happen through text. I would have rather done it face to face, but oddly it was almost better this way. In a nutshell, the conversation we had was a rough one. I was being truthfully honest and I felt like all I was getting was bullshit responses that were meant to not have me leave her as a friend. I swear my head was literally fuming from how pissed off I was. I told her what I needed from her for me to be back in her life and until those things happened I needed my space.
Flash forward to the present. I heard from her once about 3 months after our last texts. I knew she was trying to reel me back in, but the wounds were still too fresh. I don’t get as angry thinking about what happened or even talking about what happened anymore. For the longest time I felt guilty for leaving her in the dust. I read articles on how I could be a better friend for someone going through her same situation. I thought maybe I should’ve stuck around for a little longer and our relationship would go back to the way it was. I thought I was too harsh for saying what I said.
Today, I still feel I made the right decision in cutting her out. I am a much happier person and I don’t feel as self-conscious about myself or the life choices I make. She really hurt me so it’s taken a long time for me to heal, but I’m getting there. I hope she’s doing well and I wish her nothing but happiness.
There are some relationships in your life that aren’t meant to last forever yet teach you a life lesson.
Yo, props to you if you actually read all of this! I hope this helps you in some way or another. Don’t let people, even your best friend bring you down. If they make you feel negatively on a consistent basis, don’t feel guilty for pulling away. You are the most important person in your life. You do you, boo.